Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

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No I’m Not! Am I ?

February 1, 2013

Most days I stop at a Dunkin’ Donuts for a cup of coffee on my way to work.  Its a store I frequent and the people there don’t have to ask what I want. Medium coffee regular.  I walk in, say hello, pay for the coffee, say see ya later and I’m out the door.

Recently I went in and a new young woman was behind the counter.  Asked what I would like, I told her.  I gave her my debit card, she charged me $1.89.  Usually its $2.02.  I didn’t think much of it right away and walked out to my car. Put my cup into the cup holder, and started driving.  At the next  traffic light while stopped I looked at the reciept.  “senior discount”

GAH!!   

This bugged me all day.  All of the other servers at the Dunkin Donuts store saw me as a …..  regular… wait.  Normal… no,   um….   Not a senior.  Do I look old?   I’m only 56.   My hair is mostly gray.  But….   Why all of a sudden….

The next day another server charged me $2.02.  I was happy.

The next day after, The young woman stated, “with that card you can get a free donut”.

What?

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have an AARP card.  It was sent to me a couple years ago.  You just kinda get it after you turn 50.  So I filled it out. You can get discounts on stuff.  Why not.   She saw it in my wallet when I opened. it!

That was it.  Not that I look older!!!!

It think.

 

Thanks for reading!

See you soon!

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Unlike playthings, a living creature cannot hide himself on an island

December 1, 2011

Oh Man.  December already. Seems yesterday I was in Florida relaxing at Holmes Beach near Bradenton with a cold Corona and a book.

Well you all know I hate cold weather. If man were meant to be in cold weather, he’d have covered us with hair like animals! As Yukon Cornelius says, “Not fit for man nor beast!”     (lick lick lick – eh.. nuthin’)

Yes its Rudolph time as well.  A staple here.  I actually have a small book on my desk with the entire dialog of the Rankin-Bass Epic Cinematic Wonder!   The show was broadcast the other night on CBS and I saw my daughter-in-law put it on for my grandaughter.  So I sat and watched as well, mimicking the dialog as it began.

On our television we have an option from Verizon that shows who’s calling on your screen.  During Rudolph it popped up, “Survey blah blah blah”  I grabbed the phone and said, “You NEVER call during Rudolph!”  The woman said laughing, “Oh I’m sorry, I’ll call again”.

Where were we….   “didn’t I ever tell you about Bumbles?  Yukon asked…  Bumbles Bounce!

Thanks for reading – brief – I know…

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Safari’s and Tickles

November 15, 2011

Ok.

Safari – Well I’ll tell you by the time I finish this post.

Sorry as always – I’m just gonna stop apologizing as you all know I’ve just been so busy.  My faithful 6 followers.  Eventually when the clouds disappear I’ll be more frequent.

As you know professionally I speak to people all over the world. A funny event happened recently that had us all wanting to bust but we couldn’t.  During a teleconference a woman from Brazil was having difficulties speaking as she had a “Tinkle In her throat”, so she said….    I wrote her a note afterward explaining its usually tickle.  Now when she clears her throat or anything like that we giggle like children.

I was in Florida recently for my birthday week, (Oct 31st) spending time with my daughter and family.  I always look at real estate there, I still love it.  Almost had a chance to meet the “Geezer”.   The voice of Sandy from Sandy says.  I was supposed to be in his area one day and I reached out to him. He was doing a book signing and told me to come on by!  Unfortunately plans changed. But next time I’ll be sure to make it there.  I understand he had Sandy with him.  Nice. He writes a great blog and is a published author. An interesting guy.

My friends looked at me oddly yesterday when I told them I painted my great room Oatlands Subtle  Taupe and Smoked Oyster.  Another friend thought it was an appetizer.

I am really enjoying Miranda Lambert’s new CD “Four the record”  Here’s one of my favorite songs!

Well thought I’d just say hi and wanted my little fan base to know I’m still here.

Thanks for reading, I’ll see you soon!

Oh BTW – I used Safari browser instead of Explorer to write this post – It worked!

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October Already?

October 13, 2011

Time just flies faster and faster these days.  Yes, we’ve all said that a few hundred and 47 times.  I’ve thought about why time seems to pass.  Especially as we age. What is it?

Being an engineer, I applied some of my knowledge of systems to a theory.  C’mon inside my head. Wear a helmet and gloves.

Watch that wire there, I’m working on a USB port to transfer things from my brain to a PC.   My dentist said he couldn’t implant bluetooth.

Ok.   We all know that your senses bring your world to your brain.

Your brain takes in images, sounds, smells, sensations and other external stimuli.

Like a PC it processes input at a set rate. (we’re assuming the brain is digital) Lets call that our human sample rate. (HSR)

Let’s think about this for a minute.  Making up numbers, lets say that watching a television show takes 200 billion samples. During the newscast, your brain took in all of these samples consecutively and provided your experience. Like a film movie you have many still frames presented at a set speed consecutively, giving you the illusion of motion. On a television or monitor the time between each image is known as your refresh rate.

Got it?  Many images presented contiguously to simulate motion, or in this case life.

See full size image

(Put down that joint, this is not that forum)

It is a fact that children are most receptive to learning from about 6 months to 8 years old. Somewhere around there.  My grand-daughter absorbs flash cards like a sponge.  She is 2.

Her refresh/sample rate is high.

It is so fast that it stays up to rate with life.  Her environment seems to be forever.  She doesn’t want to go to bed!

As we age, our HSR gets slower.    So we essentially “miss” time as our brains weren’t refreshed.  Thus, time seems faster. The images accepted within the time frame are connected, eliminating the gaps.

But wait Oscar!   Why is it when you are having fun it seems faster as well?

Ah!  good point!    Your HSR is still reduced, but your focus is on the moment.

Low HSR reduces focus as well, but interest or excitement enhances focus. Which over-rides HSR.

What?

Moral of this?

Keep your life interesting.  Keep yourself healthy. If it’s interesting you’ll retain focus. If you’re healthy, your HSR will maintain at a high level.

What?              I don’t know – sounds good to me.  Just a theory….

It sounds better in my head, and I’m still studying.See full size image

Thanks for attending this seminar, I’ll see you soon!

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The Poop Deck

September 13, 2011

My youngest is home for the week and brought this with her.

Who seems to think the meaning of “Poop deck” is this….

No Zoey. 

In naval architecture, a poop deck is a deck that forms the roof of a cabin built in the rear, or “aft”, part of the superstructure of a ship. Not a place for you to poop. 

  I carried her off the deck and placed her on the grass. She stayed there and sniffed.  Good, I’ll go inside and wait for her by the door.  I hear her yip by the door and let her in.  Looked out on the deck and a fine little pile of dog excrement was beautifully place center square on the poop deck.

This little animal also loves to pick up her stainless steel bowl by her teeth, jump on the sofa and drop it on the floor. “Bayang yang yang yang yang…” as it spins to a halt – Causing us to almost replicate her deck sculpture.

She is a rambunctious “Puggle” puppy who has enough energy to provide 20 years constant megawatts to the NorthEast grid.  Did I tell you her bark or scream is worse!?!?

“Aw, grampa, you don’t love Zoey….”

I do.

When she’s at YOUR HOUSE!

Now I must point out that during my search for the proper definition of Poop Deck, I did stumble on this educational tid bit …..

Thumbnail  <————click on the picture.

Well O-kay then.

Where’s that dog…..

Thanks for reading!  I’ll see you later!

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1262 EWR SJU

August 24, 2011

1262 EWR SJU                        This was written last week.

Babe..baby baby I’m gonna leave you. I said Baby you know I gonna leave you, leave you in the summer time. leave you when the summer comes a rollin’ leave you when the summer comes along…

Led Zeppelin.   I once counted how many times Robert Plant sang the word “baby”. I forget but it was a lot.

Spoiled traveler I am in coach. Upgrades didn’t work today.  I wasn’t even on standby.  Its a good flight. 7:15pm lands in San Juan 11:30. Go to hotel, check in, go to bed. Full day tomorrow.

Not adjusting well to the Continental funeral. That is United’s merger with them.  It was fine as Continental from my perspective. Now they are slowly wrecking it. Hey, when you fly as often as I do, its important.

I should complain…  I spent the last two weeks in sunny Florida working from my daughters new home on the gulf coast.  But I DID WORK!  And actually got more done.

This week in Puerto Rico, then a week back in the office, then a week on the OuterBanks of North Carolina. 

I’m fortunate.

My work is complicated. It’s global. 90% of my work is out of the continental United States. Hmmm.  98%.    50% is politics. The rest is experiance. Knowing how to make things happen.  I’m on the phone at least 40% of the time. To people all over the world. I take calls at 6:00am, 9;00pm.  Different hours from my tasks at Oscar’s Tavern. My goal.

So I did come to realize recently that a condo may not be so bad. I already pay someone to take care of my lawn, driveway and other outside stuff.  I visited some really nice 3 unit condos near Anna Maria Island recently. Harbour Isle. They were like homes. Three of the sides of the unit have windows. Two face the sound. Have breakfast and you will look at the water. No I can,t have a garden. I can hang tomatoes on my Lanai…   Relax more, less outdoor work. I won’t, have to worry about google Earth showing my green pool everytime anyone browses my neighborhood.   Oh thats a real fear! I am proud to say that when you Google or whatever my home, my pool is blue. These past two weeks with all the rain in the northeast, the pool needed attention. Someone….. forgot to add algecide and chlorine. Backwash the filter…   The condo’s have 3 pools and a beach. I don’t have to maintain them. PLUS they have a marina. I can put my boat in a slip. Yeah, I have to buy one first but this is a concern. Oh by the way they plan a resturant with a bayside bar… hmmmmm  this could be my gig. Has god sent me this?

WAIT  I don’t plan on retiring yet. Five more years.  Will they hold the unit soundside with the second level, unit and third floor reading room!!!? My breakfast nook view of the sound with the bridge going up and down and boats putting by!!!!

LESSON:  Don’t look at any real estate until you are ready.
I torture myself everytime I visit Florida. I think often that its because I want to get away from the same old same old so badly.         I could get involved in the complex management society.  Then Mayor of Anna Maria Island. Thats all, just Mayor, no further…  I’m too concerned for everyones well being to go any higher.

“Mayor Oscar, your favorite table is ready for you and the fine lady”.

Then there was this home on the Terra Cieia Bay. Brand new dock, gorgeous sunsets, great fishing they say… The house was junk. But I could renovate, or better yet demolish and take the plans from that sweet home in Bradenton I saw and build it there. The salesman said they’d build it where I wanted.  He did!

BUT I’M NOT READY!!!!!!!!

OK.   I’ve worked since I wa 14.  I paid my own way though college, my parents couldn’t afford it. I bought a cape cod style home in th eighties and added 150% to it. All by myself.  I worked hard, worked at times 2 jobs to support my family and put my kids through private school.  It’s my turn isn’t it?  I’m 54!   what…   I just did my stuff quickly…

Right?  They’re all old enough to be on thier own… right?  I can finish settling and sell.

The condo had an elevator!  Two car garage, workshop area…. I could walk to the bridge and fish, or cross it to my favorite beach. Tend at the marina bar, keep my 24 foot skiff 100 horse Merc tied close by….

Guess I want my cake and eat it. In my case it would be my pie.

Go to work Oscar.  Nap till you land.  Busy day tomorrow… Stop daydreaming.

“you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…” – some famous hippie rock star from the 70,s.
Oh, the windows could withstand 150mph winds and kept solar heat out!  Blazing sun on them and they didn’t get hot!  The hot water system has green heat pump technology! The model living room had dual angled fans! They were so cool!  I truly absorbed every word that Penny, the knowledgable young attractive saleswoman told me.

But she was right.  Wasn’t she?  Yeah.. she was.

I kept thinking “Penny!  knock knock knock…Penny!  knock knock knock”
(Big Bang Theory reference)

I was supposed to stop after the dreamer stuff…  I wonder if Jessica at the hotel will have a Medalla ready for me when I arrive. I hope its not too late.

Maybe forget all of this and just quit my job and work like Fred Flintstone at a quarry like my dad did.  Whistle blows and I go home to Wilma and that yappy Dino. Then tell Mr. Slate I’m quitting.  No wait….. He did the whole Florida thing, home near the beach, covered pool, boat.. and died in a year.

$#it.

Maybe I have ADD.
nah. Just a lot on my mind lately.

Condo had a dumb waiter too!  Paver driveway!  Nature path!  Kayak launch….  Maybe I’d get tired of the path. Kayaks are fun but every day…?  Can only go so far, and I have that skiff….
Mayor Oscar….   From the “Wild Party”‘   Two Bottles of Johnny Walker Blue in every garage….

Maybe move to an apartment and then become Mayor. Learn about all the good land deals before they go public….   Start a company there in November….   Consulting…   resource management..  asset management….    Buy 5 homes more inland and rent them. I could rob them easily from forclosures at like 85K a pop.

I could be the new Trump.  No hair.  Your fired!

Learn to repair outboard motors.  Big cash!

Oh we’re on approach….

Back to reality.

Thanks for reading!  See you soon!

UPDATE since this was writtten:  Looks like Hurricane Irene and I have a date with the OuterBanks. We both arrive the same day.    That Biotch!

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An Odd Wednesday

June 15, 2011

My schedule today included a teleconference from 7:30am EST to 10:30am.  I woke up early and set up my PC and was prepared for the meeting. This one was with VP’s and my boss’s boss’s boss.  I had to be available for any technical inquiry that may surface.       None did.  But I sat by a window which faces my pool and watched the nice day unfold.  The dogs went out and in. Out and In. Out and in.  Sandy could relate to this.  I was just sure that when they asked..”What do you think?” It would be at a time when the dogs spot a squirell.  But it didn’t!  Following the call some of the people emailed me a thousand questions. I can handle that.  This went well.  My meeting for 2:00pm got cancelled. It’s a nice day here on the East coast.  I’m working from home.  Three laptops, an iPad, a blackberry, and a droid. I’m connected. There’s a glow by the window and its not from the sun.  I’m surely projecting RF all over myself.  I’m online. Reading email, sending messages, texting, answering calls and whatever my array of electronic bliss provides.

I felt I should take a few minutes and write a post to bring everything up to date.  In the sun, by the pool.     Now I have been chatting in other social media with a few bloggers who know me more, or have been inquisitive. Each one I promise to eventually post.

As always, I’m traveling a lot. Another trip to Brazil recently, and the regular visits to sunny Puerto Rico.  Some recent business has India knocking at my door.  We’ll see.  I’m stretched as it is. I’m trying to do as much as I can via Teleconferences and Videoconferences, Live meetings, WebEx.  Work has been busy. As I say to a dear friend often, “Busy is good”. 

Update on my dog:  I went for the $7000.00 or so for the cataract surgery. Tons of medications, drops, needles, and I think she can see a little.  A LITTLE!  The poor thing gets around by smell mostly.  Apparently during the surgery, they were unable to insert a lens in the cornea like they do on “routine” procedures, so the dog is far sighted.  My miniature schnauzer at 15 inches is bumping into everything.  My guess is that she see’s blobs.  I’m very disappointed.  Her diabetes is under control. I have that down pat.  This truly has been an education.  I guess its the best I can do.  Eye $urgeon keep$ $aying it take$ time….   each time $he $say$ it, it co$t$ me a hundred fifty dollar$.  I’m sure I’ve cracked 10K.  I’m to a point where if she is getting around ok with some assistance, I wont spend more on it. I just continue to pray.

Well it seems that this half rate blog recieved an Award!  Coming from two of my favorite bloggers, Older Eyes, and Sandy Says! Thanks to both of you!  I’m just sorry I can’t post as much!  

 There’s some rules I have to folly here. I have to share seven things about myself.  Hmmmm….

  • I’m 50+ and 60-
  • I love warm weather, probably a reason I don’t mind travel to the Caribbean and Brazil.  Go to Florida to see my kids as often as I can!
  • Although I am Oscar the Bartender, I’ve never tended a real bar! (That’s a wish)(Oh but I have(do) perform quality audits.) Ok, Not a “cash” bar. “Willy” from the tavern was my real uncle, a bartender. A lot of readers believe OT is real. By the way, I DO intend on getting to re-do that Blog and post. I get lots of requests!
  • I am in Engineering/Supply Chain management for a Fortune 100 Healthcare company.
  • I text like a high school kid. (not while driving)
  • I can’t wait to retire in Sandy’s neck of the woods. I’m starting my own company. (and Marina Bar)
  • I am a musician by hobby.  Composer and writer. (don’t let my blog entries define that!)

I’m not sure I have 15 people to send this to.  Just look at my blog roll.  All of you are worthy of this award.  I’ll try to be more personal. This post is a true opportunity. Now I need to be sure that’s up to date! If its not – you know who you are. 

Well I need to run the dog to the vet for a gluco$e reading.   I’ll try to post again soon!

Thanks for reading!  I’ll see you soon!