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It’s Monday, right?

March 7, 2011

I want to take hours in the day and “cut and paste” them in a different order.  I say this as my best ideas and drive for posting come during hours that I am unable to park myself in front of this forum.  So once I figure this out. Be ready.  If lunch occurs before breakfast next week, I may have figured it out.

It’s been very windy here in the Garden State.  I’ve pulled the twigs and branches from my pool cover and have them drying for kindling.  A walk across the yard yields the same bounty.  I am convinced we will have more cold weather. Probably more of that damned snow too.  I must live in southeast Narnia

Ok, the woman caught my eye first… I’m a guy.   But it was after enjoying the view that was previously an ad for Subway,  that I realized the poor girl must be freezing. Just struck me funny – girl in a swimsuit, in the snow.      ok.

Reesit alerted his captain that there was a possible threat to Geendak .  Sent a memo to his broker regarding the lakefront property. ” Jekk mod farantis hgo!”

The above passage is not from any published source. Just the odd rantings of the writer  creator of this post.

Three minutes till a teleconference. Started lunch too late!

For any of you who watch either, “Two and a Half Men”, “The Big Bang Theory”, or “Mike and Molly”, these sitcoms on CBS  are produced by a man named Chuck Lorre.  Actually it’s Chuck Levine, he has a stage director name. (Why?)  Anyway, at the end of each of these shows, they flash a “Vanity Card”  for 2 seconds.   Its a page full of words you just can’t read without recording it and playing it back.  Curiosity got me one day and I froze the show on my DVR and read the copy.  It was hilarious!  Here’s an example:

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #280

“You know you’re getting old when… You throw your back out on the toilet. You shave your ears. Your second wife calls your first wife “ma’am.” You’re genuinely excited when your prescriptions arrive in the mail. You read the obits in the newspaper to check the ages of the dead people. You read a newspaper. You’re bummed out that the smokin’ hot chick from Body Heat now looks like William Shatner in drag. You say “bummed out.” Women your age have real breasts and artificial hips. Masturbation leaves you winded. You try to amuse the kid hooking up your Blu-ray player by telling him about Betamax. You pee in morse code — dots and dashes — and have to look down to see when you’re done. Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to switch to during NPR pledge drives. Your doctor says things like, “that’s normal for a man your age” and “consider yourself lucky.” Beneath your chin is what appears to be a neck skin hammock. Beneath your penis is what appears to be two ping pong balls hanging from a flesh-colored bolo tie. You choose your new car because it offers great lumbar support and convenient cup holders. Watching “The Who” perform at the Superbowl made you inconsolably sad. You wonder if the orgasm you’re about to have will actually end your life. Your doctor tells you a new medication will reduce the amount of semen in your body and your only response is, “so what.” Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to… oh, wait, I already did that one.”

More of these can be seen here.   They are pretty funny. Some make bold statements. Check ’em out!

My teleconference just finished.  The usual babble. 

Visit Sandy.

Hopefully this will fulfill my “POST A MONTH”  challenge.    LOL

Thanks as always for reading!   I’ll see you soon!

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6 comments

  1. The wind has been making my yard look like it was hit with a nuclear bomb!


  2. Hi Oscar! Been a while! As usual I always enjoy my trips to visit you — woof woof.
    Sandy


  3. Hey. Chuck Lorre Productions is stealing my material. Tell the girl there’s a nice billboard available here in Anaheim. By the way, thanks for all your comments the other day. This postaday stuff is a lot of work and having someone take the time like that is a big smile.


  4. Love your idea of rearranging the hours in the day. I just need that half hour between leaving the house, driving to work and walking the skyway to the office. I always seem to have great ideas then. Then can’t remember them later.

    More snow predicted for tonight here in northwest Narnia. 3 to 5 inches. Hopefully that will be it for the winter!

    Great marketing concept on that billboard. Some genius figured out that a scantily clad woman in the snow is sure to draw a lot of attention!

    Thanks for revealing the vanity card! I’ve always wondered what they said. Now I know!


  5. I love the Chuck Lorre end-bits. Sometimes I record the shows, just to read them. Very cool.


  6. This is absolutely brilliant–I love it. Will have to share this with Mr.4444 (not that he’s heard any of that stuff. You have to actually go for a physical to hear that stuff, right?)



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