Stone 14

March 4, 2010

Last year my youngest daughter and her then boyfriend decided the walk from my driveway to the steps needed to be replaced.  I’d been talking about a little project to replace the flagstone walk with brick pavers and some low voltage lighting.  They chose to do it for me while I was traveling. I think I was in San Francisco at the time.  He was a landscaper, so I told her, go ahead, let me know what it costs.   The soil in my area is hard and rocky.  Many trees, so its full of roots.  This is why it’s taken me so long to do this and why I said “sure”. They did a decent job, the two of them.  It may have been him doing the work and her feeding him beers (don’t tell her I said that).  

Well its been about 18 months and some of the stones have settled a bit and need to be re-seated.  A couple of them have become little traps.  I need to address them as soon as this awful wet cold crap breaks.

Like Stone 14.   ( soft sympathetic music begins… the camera pans the walkway and zeroes in on 14 )

It must  think its name is “Sonofabitch”.  I’ve heard my son call him that everytime he steps on it.  Especially when its wet out.  Somehow it has a firm center, but loose ends. So this see-saw stone teeters either way.  When it’s wet or rains, it’s ends fill up with water, yet it proudly stays level.  When you forget about him, (he/she , I havn’t checked underneath.) he sits nice ready to support you.  The usual course of action has us stepping on the far side of travel, pushing the stone into the water. The water runs up the stone and is propelled at the back of your pant leg or shoes.  “Sonofabitch” has been the common vernacular used, so I’m sure he’s had stationary made up.

I think the other stones feel sorry for him. I overheard some chatter about “14 Fest”.  I heard Quincy Jones is gonna re-re-record “We are the World”.  They’re gonna dig up Michael and prop him like “Bernie” from the “Weekend at” movie.    In it’s own way, a little movement of earth.  So text STONE to 5555 and you’ll donate ten dollars towards the releveling efforts.  A small portion will go towards my dry cleaning bill and more tile cleaner for the foyer.

14 with his stonemates at  graduation.

Thanks for reading, see you soon!



  1. Poor 14. I hope he does a better job in his next line of work. Maybe you can give him a less demanding job? Like say, as part of a fire-pit border. All he’ll have to do is sit there and take the heat. Once in a while, someone might scrape melted marshmallow off the roasting stick onto him. He’d probably like that. No more trying to support all the bodies that walk all over him. Just give it some thought.

  2. LOL! I have to say I got a chuckle out of your story about stone 14.

  3. OMG-Another good one, Oscar! Terri is pretty funny, too 🙂

  4. Terri – you rock!

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