December 19, 2008

Hi there!  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!   Glad you came by! 

  Those who know me also know I hate shopping.  But I find ways of making it fun. I was inspired to write this blog entry after reading  “Weaselmomma” and “Suburban Scrawl“‘s adventure shopping in tieras.  Thanks Ladies!

Things I do while shopping at the grocery store:

  • Verbally make fun of “Stupid Stuff”
  • Give out my “number” at the deli counter – http://oscarstavern.wordpress.com/2008/09/12/no-gnus-is-good-gnus/
  • When no one is looking I connect the child seat belt through purse handles. (funny, but also a good tip)
  • Spell “HELP” out of toothpicks at the salad bar.
  • In the cleaning aisle, position the glass cleaner bottles so they all say a$$ cleaner.
  • Write “Let me out” in the frost inside the frozen food doors.
  • Put a bottle of drano near the laxatives.

At toy stores I find the aisle with all the “real sound” trucks and stuff, and machine gun tap every button there is so the aisle is so noisy you can’t hear! This includes loud dolls, stuffed animals with sounds.  Elmo’s are great. Tap every one on the shelf! “Ah ha ha ha ha, I’m Elmo!”  times 100!    Pure mayhem, a symphony for the defective!  Yahoo!      In a grocery store near my home the announcer has a sense of humor. One late summer night he said this: ” Attention shoppers, in our meat department today we have pork patties on sale for (whatever) a pound! Put these on the grill with some cheese and watch your cholesterol go up, but they’re delicious”.  I laughed hysterically.  I saw him one day in an aisle and told him how he entertains me.

Christmas shopping for me is taking a pre-written list to the exact store, buying what I need, getting the hell out.

One time I went with a female co-worker to a mall. We parted ways at the door, planning to meet at a preset time for lunch. We both arrived at he time, ate and went back to work.  Later that day, rumours of our “lunch out together” flew around as unknowingly we passed through a department store where we were individually attacked by a woman with an atomizer. Same fragrance, in men’s and womans, scents.  “They both came back smelling real nice. “You smell like Sandy!. uh huh????”

In the holiday spirit, I keep forgetting to put the decorating pictures in. But I found this silly site you may get a kick out of. www.uglychristmaslights.com   Wow, there are some horrible displays.

Things are winding up at the job. Not a whole lot of folks in this week. Most off time the 5th of January.  My buddy’s last day with us is Monday. That will be sad. I promised I’d keep in touch and let him see the mayhem he’s missing. He laughed. I think he’s accepting this better now. It’s a shame to see him lose his job.

I sent my daughter $500.00 to have ger get the kiddies some Christmas gifts. They are coming to visit during the Holidays. She says she’ll order things online and have them sent to my house. Otherwise she needs to schlep them in the Hyundai on that long trip from Florida to New Jersey. They are leaving this Sunday!

Thanks for stopping by and reading!  I’ll be visiting you soon!



  1. My favorite is putting condoms and douches in people’s carts when they are not looking. Or tampons and vaginal creams in carts of men shopping alone. I always entertain myself when shopping. Happy Holidays !!!!

  2. I’ve been known to set off all the motion sensor baby dolls, loudly ask my son if he needs any birth control products and ride on the cart through the aisles. Yes, shopping CAN be fun! Although I just got back from the grocery store and I have to say I can think of better ways to spend a Friday night.

  3. You’re really fun. OMGosh-I love your ideas, and I love people who would find these things and laugh 🙂

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